the flop of expectation

Today (and yesterday) I have a painful back from some kind of muscle trouble and so in the spirit of easing my pain I decided to make some brownies...even though a past post shows that the calorific dangers of brownie making are known to me. However, something inside told me to do it and i thought i could post a picture of them like I have seen others do... neat little pieces in an artsy shot. . well, here they are ...

What? anticipation, greed I dunno it took over - even though my knife test showed me it wasn't ready I took it out thinking it'd finish cooking on the cooling plate (It made sense in my head at the time) but no, the top flopped off. So it got me thinking...

1) it's a little life lesson for me - in my keeness to get things done and finish a task I always rush the process and then things just don't turn out how i expect. I need to be patient and believe the process is cooking up something wonderful without my inteference - i contribute by starting the process (making sure all the ingredients are in place), by having the patience to wait but also being alert too (for checking if things are looking ok)

2) I thought about not posting a picture of my brownies as they weren't the neat pieces I had envisaged - my expectation was disappointed - but do you know what they taste as good as they would neat. I guess we all want to portray the best parts of ourselves, our lives - the things that work out, the things that look great, maybe so we get a few admiring glances? Maybe so others envy us - so we don't feel inferior, so we feel the best - who knows...But sometimes my brownies will work and sometimes they won't, and that's life...for all of us. Who would have thought brownies could have so much to teach us?

3) everything is in perspective today as i am reading this. Oh my god, how awful would this life have been. The mere glimpses of what happened, well ...I am only at the beginning and so not sure what I will take from this book in the end, but today at least it has taught me perspective, that my back pain is a slight trouble that will pass and my brownie, well my goodness I am just grateful to have the liberty in my life to spend time baking something that tastes wonderful in my safe and warm home.

oh and ahh...i wanted to post this...he stinks, he's scruffy..no not my husband although he fits the bill...Dillon dog...look at the bed head, well he is a teenager in doggy years after all - please note that carpet is not my choice...apologies if you have a carpet like this from choice, it's just not my cup of tea.

Where does time go?

I can not believe it has been soooo long since I have posted. I guess time has passed quickly as lots of things have been happening. It was my mum's 60th birthday and me and my family went away for a long weekend to Tetbury, a lovely Gloucestershire town...overall, we had a really nice time with some great shopping done in Cirencester!I bought a new painting which is now proudly hanging in my bathroom - will post this room soon as my home tour has stopped short hasn't it?..you will then be able to see this piece 'in situ'.

It is impossible for me to believe that my mum is 60, that my husband is 40, that I am 37 - where did that time go from when i was 7? How can it be that it's 20...20 years since I was 17? I can get really taken up with thoughts like this - they don't get me any where, but I'm often thinking things like 'what have i been doing for 20 years?'... ' what could i/ should I have been doin for the last 20 years'.... 'in the same time again I'll be nearly 60, oh my god quick what do i want to do/be?'...then i feel stuck in inertia cause I don't know, then I worry I'm wasting my life away... I feel pressure to do all these things in my life but then can feel so content just sitting on my sofa doing nothing in particular. Weird.

I have at least been spending some enjoyable time doing another online class with Jane DesRosier about texture...the doll class has been on the back burner as I've got stuck into all the wonderful videos that they are sharing on texture- great!!! However, I've almost finished my first doll from her class...

ain't she cute?...just a little indecent with her panties showing! That's partly because i can't find the starch i need for her skirt over here in the UK... i've got a different one to see if it works. If not it will be another internet search, which is dangerous ...first cause i can deviate on a bit of a shopping spree and, as I often use paypal it feels like everything is free :-), until statements arrive :-o...
Here is my first attempt at a dolly of my own design...

I've also done some more canvases...dolls distract me from canvases and vice versa....This canvas reflects my feelings on the kind of change we experience in life that i can only call a spiritual awakening/ knowing; a creative awakening/ knowing...how these moments can make us fragile from all the stretching and growing pains that come with this, and of how we need care, not only from others but also from ourselves....

Transformation

And another piece reflecting where I'm at is this ...

Facing Back

I'm really pleased with this...it reflects my feelings on looking back...when did I last really know myself...know myself best? Have I ever...like, really known myself..? I don't know, I think this is my favourite piece i've done so far, something about it...I love the colours, the sentiment...

Then, most recent a canvas inspired by the credit card technique learnt on the texture workshops. The white text on the right reads

"Your soul softly sings to you...listen...listen...like the wings of the birds it can carry you way...to freedom...to true, eternal love...to joy...to hope and comfort...to peace...to your truest self...listen...".

It's my biggest canvas to date at 31.5 x11.5" and it was a bit of a challenge doing a compostion for these measurements. Here's a bit of a close up

Click on the logo link in my sidebar if you want to check out the texture or doll workshop...they are both great value for money ...I've learnt a lot. Jane's is one of my favourite blogs, even though i can't get it to appear in my list :-( . Through these sites I've also discovered another lovely blog by mystele...I love her folk art inspired work and although she is new to me she is a new favourite to follow...have a look

The Fruits of Hibernation

Well, all this freezing weather has some good points. I have not ventured out the house now for 5 days and Paul (my husband) has been away for two-and-a-half of those. So, in my state of isolated hibernation I finally got round to trying my hand at baking, and made a batch of chocolate brownies...but now I know why I must not bake, at least not when I am alone...I have eaten half of them since yesterday afternoon (about six :-} ). I know. It's bad. But they were good, and they go stale so quick...I also finished two pictures, first this

Always Hopeful

This piece has the words always hopeful written in the crown...hope being like a treasure. The rainbow represents the optimism that something better lies beyond. The figure holds a 3-leaf clover, with the hope that one day it will be a four-leaf one. And this...

It reads trying to see beauty in fragility, which I guess speaks for itself. I have also paperclayed the body and head of my dolly - it's took me hours to make and now I can't go on...I've got no quilting thread to sew on her arms and legs and after all my work I don't want them to fall off, or worse be ripped off by a friend's visiting toddler. Anyway, I might rest tonight with a hot bath and TV - creative balance is important, and I've been going wild in all this snow...maybe it's an adult sugar rush...although not good for the body eating brownies may be good for the creative soul...try it and let me know, but you must eat at least six in 24 hours for it to take effect I reckon...creative soul like a temple, body like a dumpling.

Favourite blogs

I have added a list of my absolute favourite blogs - ones I check in on regularly (daily where possible! (stalker?....)), ones i find inspiring for the art work and many individual reasons... which I will now share...
misty mawn was the first blog that I discovered via cloth, paper, scissors magazine. I love her ability to express her soul so beautifully in both art and writing. I love her skills in creating a beautiful blog, her beautiful photos and regular updates. Misty inspires me to try and express myself honestly and openly, and i only wish I was skilled enough to create a blog as beautiful as hers - I can aspire...I can also aspire to be quick enough to purchase a piece of her beautiful art...

I also discovered kelly rae roberts via the same magazine. I love her honesty with her struggle for growth and change and love how her blog tracks the progress of this, in both her art and life. I love her positivity and humour and the achievements she has made in such a short time to create a creative life for herself. Kelly Rae inspires me to believe in my own possiblities, to be generous with myself and others. I have 2 prints from Kelly Rae and her book , which I love reading and referring back to...I will no doubt have more purchases...maybe an online workshop.....

time with tascha is a relatively new blog favourite and I am still becoming familiar with Tascha and her work, but I immediately love the obvious humour in her work, and her use of colour is superb...love it. Again her blog provides loads of interesting things to look at...photos, videos and links, including to her you tube videos...this has amazingly had over 65,000 views!

Then there is Danita at danita art. She makes the loveliest pieces, with humour often found in her work also. I have purchased 3 things from her store..a cute little box, a print and an art doll...the art doll resides in my front room and is divine - you will be able to see it in situ when I upload more images of my home...I am pacing this so as not to be a decor bore :-0. Danita inspires me with her diverse creativity (jewellery, art work, boxes, art dolls) and she is so prolific in producing things...I am in awe of her dedication and hard work...I need more of this...why is this never for sale?

I love the folk art and art dolls from Jane at Gritty Art Studio, which includes just the most beautiful images of angels and women...I would happily own everything she makes (and I mean everything!), but her art moves quickly and shipping may mean I will have to restrict myself to a print or a large bank loan! I have joined Jane's online doll making workshop ...I can recommend it...really thorough, professional and (best) fun! (although stuffing those legs and arms, not so sure) I will post what I have made once it's complete... It's also worth checking out Jane's you tube postings - great sharing of techniques. Watching Jane inspires me to relax and enjoy my work, and I am in awe of the ways she has created a mulit-faceted art business...brilliant!

So they are the key people inspiring me at this present time and i wanted to honour them, as unknowingly to them their blogs and art inspire my own creative journey. Really. And for that I am grateful to each of them.

The Finished Piece

Well, i thought I'd just upload the finished art work. It's been snowing (the worst in twenty years apparently) and I think the cold evenings have informed part of this piece. It reads across the top... " belief in the appearance of crystal light from the unexpected moments of darkness". This basically represents my hope (and on ocassions my experience) that we can emerge with new insights and greater clarity from those dark and difficult times in our lives. I put the words in a place/ shape to echo a halo, because in those moments some faith in that is needed. Her clothing has a 'snowy' feel with tinges of blue to her skin to reflect feelings of being cold and alone, with stars representing light present (seen or unseen) in those moments. I tell you though, it can be hard to keep that hope as sometimes things are difficult and problems can feel so huge that real solutions feel impossible to find.

Embarrased Emotions

Well, my plans for uploading recent artwork fell by the wayside. Reasons (excuses?)... I spent Saturday day and night with friends, which of course is a great thing, whilst Sunday I felt compelled to create art to help me manage my heavy heart, weighed down with emotions too big to talk about here; real sadness. I am discovering how art can really help me manage and express my emotions; not necessarily to others, but myself. Through my art I am finding that I can get to see, explore and clarify my emotions and i am really trying to stay with this, rather than be concerned with whether it turns out 'good' and pleasing to others, although of course these are bonuses and are difficult desires for me to surpress. I still feel quite shy about other people seeing my work ...feeling it's not good enough, that they'll look and think 'you call that art!'. I think i feel that even more lately because of the emotions I have invested; because of the emotions I have exposed. I can't help feeling embarrassed. Will the day come where I feel comfortable, confident with my work and sharing my emotions? I tend to fluctuate between real self-doubt and glimpses of real self-belief ...Anyway, here is that work in progress....

Anonymity no more and another tour

First, I need to say that I was sooo excited to find that 3 people had taken time to comment on my fledgling blog - you really made my day - my blog is no longer anonymous (is that the right word?) and that feels good! I hope you'll return. It's good to know I am not alone in the blogging universe. I could tell my friends about this, but I feel embarrased - why....well, my art, my feelings exposed - some friends are familiar with both and some are not and i often don't feel comfortable with either (art or feelings that is, not the friends). I hope over time that will change, but in the mean time contact from people, people who don't know me, is really... nice, good, special. So welcome if you are reading this.

As promised there is now a little tour of my dining area (sorry, it was getting dark outside and so the picture is a little dark too).

If you look on the stool/ poufe (?) to the right of the table you may be able to make a dark shape out...that is dillon dog, also known by many a name to which he is accustomed to including teed, tramp, skillon, bead eye, bear claws and licky to name just the most popular! Here he is in his full, furry glory...ahhhh (see why we call him bead eye?)

Here is a the fireplace in that room

There are a string of rose-shaped fairy lights across the fire - don't you just love the cutest light they give off? If you don't have any I would say they are a sound investment - they make me feel cosy and somehow special...weird....Anyway another much loved room is my kitchen - i love cooking and LOVE eating :-p

and I love my green dresser...do you think it would look good with some fairy lights - I keep thinking it might benefit from some in the shape of chillis....

here are my shelves (interesting huh?)

Anway, I don't want to overdo the photo thing - still not got Flickr set up - I don't know. I am planning to maybe get that sorted over the weekend with more photos of home and some recent art work. If not there, here again!

p.s please leave a comment if you feel able 'cause its like a little letter - exciting to open and see who it's from.