Feeling alone

A strong realisation for me this past week has been acknowledging that I am feeling lonely. And I realise that i've known this lonliness for some time, years really, but i haven't been able to make sense of it...but now I know, it's cause I've got noone to play with. Yes i've got friends, including my husband Paul, and yes I can share some of myself with these friends. But I am only just starting to see there is a part of me, probably the biggest part of me that has a lot of creative energy buzzing around inside. I was always doing imaginative play as a kid - loved creative story writing at school - and really, the only time I enjoy my time at work is when i have chance to think and be creative-a rare thing amongst the daily admin and beaurocracy and tasks that need doing. I can see now that for the past year or two i have retreated into myself - I am not that often in touch with most of my friends, only a couple, and these past few months find me doing my art alone, reading alone, shopping alone, largely being alone. I am starting to wonder if some of the frustrated tears that come and go are linked to the frustration of having had no connection with my own creativity or that of others. I need to meet like-minded souls. I am an ideologist; believe in dreams; hope in possiblity; crave learning and development; feel constricted by too many rules and boundaries and shoulds and musts; love philosophising; having good humour; love generating and sharing ideas to make a moment or the world better; love eating and drinking; love questioning, like a three year old I am always asking but why?; am not afraid to question;am emotional and just a bit neurotic.... but where are like-minded souls to be found? I have joined some online groups which help a little but i need to meet people in the flesh, hear their stories. I want to find people who are further on the creative, spiritual path than me who can inspire me, challenge me, show me and guide me...inspired by all these feelings came this... who will hold my hand?

so, if you are out there I am waiting to meet you, to go for coffee, to have a large glass of red, to share stories of the soul and of creativity. I can listen real well, can you listen to me too? I can support and be there for you, the real you, can you support and be there for me, the real me too? I am waiting....Is it because so many of us are distracted by life, it's hard to find those who are concerned with/ have time for their 'inner life'. So many of my friends are occupied with their children and work and stuff..I don't know...so i did this...

It reads "looking at all of the shimmering lights can surpress the bright light inside ourselves which will lie in silent in the wait to emerge"