Sitting in this mess made me think about when my friend Rach came round to see me once... we went up to my studio and it was all messy, for which I apologised. She said she liked to see it messy cause it showed something creative had been going on. Today I've been wondering if emotions are the same...when we're feeling all messy inside is it part of the creative change within us? Do we need a mess in order to create something new within us, a bit like that well-known phrase about chaos birthing a star? If we endeavour to keep our emotions too tidy does it restrict and constrain our growth and potential for future play? I had to cancel a big holiday today. A holiday that involved seeing a special friend who has moved out to LA. And I cancelled as I had to be honest with how I feel...it doesn't feel right to go - the trip feels like a challenge rather than a rest, like a test rather than a treat. I so wanted to push on past these emotions, past my fear of being on the plane and feeling trapped. To do what i normally do and push myself along with life no matter how i feel about things. I want to feel all tidy and have the holiday of a lifetime and see my friends. But, I feel all messy inside and my messy messy emotions means it feel all wrong, even though the tidy part of me, the show home part of me, wants to go so noone knows about the mess i really sometimes live in. Maybe I've been feeling like this for a while... i recently finshed this... 
It reads "Light emerges after darkness to illuminate the self", and at the minute I'm doing this...
it's going to read something like ... "why don't you fly free little bird when your cage door is open?"
Debbie, I am sorry. 
1 comment:
Your paintings are beautiful. The colors are vibrant and alive. Thank you for taking the time to share yourself. Blessings, Jane
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