Firstly, happy new year to all...let's hope this year brings a whole load of goodness and joy to our lives. For those who have commented i also hope the dreams you've mentioned come true in some small or big way. It's a new year...a time to be positive..to look forward ..but i'm going to start my blog of 2010 a little differently. I've been feeling like the billy no mates of the blog world! I am glad that it is looking good for those who have commented on my give away...i am....as the competition is hardly fierce! BUT, I must admit i've been grappling with a few reactions to this, feeling... dejected? embarrassed? I knew i only had a few visitors but the reality of seeing just a few (as lovely as they are) comments makes me feel like a kid with hardly anyone showing at their party!!! Well, only 3 people... I've considered a number of times not keeping this blog ...mainly when i start comparing myself with other people...it's sometimes hard to pursue things without external comparison...recognition (?) ....praise (?) i get the 'what's the point of my crappy blog in this huge blogosphere?' chatter in my head....a place of multiple, beautiful, inspiring blogs...indeed, blog envy sets in...i feel like the billy no mates of the blog world...But then I try and remind myself that it's just my bruised ego talking..our so called culture... popular is good...volume is good....we are only worthy if lots of other people tell us we are. When I am feeling more optimistic...spiritual....whatever it is....then i try and remind myself that noone in this world occupies my space...there is room for us all...for all our contributions and ways of doing and being. I do this blog to share a part of my creative world...for an audience of one or one hundred thousand what does it matter, really? It's maybe just the ego thing...wanting to be the best...the favourite....the one whose voice is heard...but i want to move away from this...to know that i am enough irrespectively...to do what i do for me...other people's secondary enjoyment is a bonus but not a necessity...that's where i want to be...but of course we all like a dollop of feel good feedback sometimes don't we!!! So, with that off my chest here's a list of my intentions rather than resolutions for this year...let's see if they manifest..by writing them here at least i have a hope of remembering what they are/ were...
- to be on ' deal or no deal' :-)
- to develop new friendships
- to explore new paths
- to further develop my creativity
- to develop a healthy lifestyle; diet and exercise (hm this has been on the cards for the last 15 years or so so let's see if i can crack it this year..I'm stocking up on nuts and biscuits in preparation!!)
- to accept and enjoy where i am at...
- to do those things that feel right more
- to do those things that i think are right but feel wrong less
1 comment:
I'm so sorry your feeling lost in blogland, I think the only reason I have so many followers is that I also visit and comment on a heap of blogs too and am on the Etsy forums, every little bit helps I guess!
Micki x
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