Paintings and Poems

Seeds

Your words embed into my soul

like seeds in furtile soil.

With the pouring of rain

life is embued.

Seeds take root,

that cavort and weave until secure.

Attention! Toil disturbs those seeds,

mutated and grown.

And, with furtive ground laid bare

a soul is freed from the the seeds of your words.

And then, another inspired by my painting above

In Your Hands

Hold you heart carefully within your own hands.

Tender and precious,

and luminous...

like light refracting from gold.

Hold it, keep it close,

let it shine.

Know it is yours alone to own.

Tend to it,

It's your, yours....

Then....

As darkness enshrouds

trust and know light is all around

shining for you.

You are never alone

Works in Progress

Here is a little doll i'm working on at the moment....

As I was planning to share, I dreamt up a little scenario in which sweet cheeks (the dolly) wanted to show herself but was embarrased cause she is incomplete, with no legs and raggedy edges. Then it suddenly dawned on me that I keep repeating similar messages in my blog, in different ways; bizzarely brownies and messy rooms being the past formats. So, I guess this must be a whisper, a message, something important for me to digest. Although I've wrote along this same theme in the past it's like only now can I really stop and try and take that in...give it some space to perculate...hmmm interesting (finger on pursed lips at this moment). I also penned a little poem this morning, which i think shows messages about this are coming through loud and strong....

Am I enough to share your time, to have your ear, and hear your mind?

Am I enough to share my soul and not be judged and not be told?

Am I enough to roam alone and know that time is mine to own?

Am I enough to now be true, yet still be loved enough by you?

I am enough

I guess I am starting to see that my perfectionist self, my vulnerable self wants only to show the capable parts of me, the neat parts of me. It wants to neglect the messy edges and flops...doesn't like to think about them or is punishing that they have happened. Is too scared to show them. Feels alone with them. I need to give space to accepting that we are all works in progress, we can always be enhanced, developed and improved. I need to digest and accept the truth of this. Dare to really show my raggedy edges...to myself and to others. To accept that I am enough, even though I am not and can never be perfect. With this mini revelation I hope I have scope to practice, and accept that no matter where I am, how far I have come or how far I have to go, I am a work forever in progress but i am still enough. I hope this for you too.

Long time no post

Well, I've not posted for some time. I thought i'd share some art i've been doing lately but i am feeling a little hesitent- particularly with this new piece...

i completed this a couple of weeks ago and in the meantime kelly rae roberts has done a painting and it worries me - I can see parallels - 2 women with the same coloured hair in similar styles, located in similar positions with text. I completed this before kelly rae uploaded her image (honestly, honestly) and of course she has not seen this piece - a conversation over on gritty jane has got me feeling now quite ... paranoid? ....concerned? ...uncertain? though about how my work might be perceived against others. How can I do my own thing without it being perceived that I am too similar to others, or worse copying them? I know the parallels are purely coincidental but who else would?
So, then i am questioning where have i developed my own style and where is my work representing a morphing of other people's work? I often leave my work hanging around a few days/ weeks to live with it, to know if it's complete but now I'm thinking maybe i need to upload my work straight away so that people can see mine is there before another artist so I can not be considered to be taking their ideas in some way. It's complex...and i feel concerned and i have no way of proving my innocence; a bit dramatic i know, but this is a question of integrity... i just hope any of you out there who might read this have faith in this.
On another note (or not????) here are more shares on what else i've been doing lately...

and this...
and this
although i really can not decide if this last one is finished or lacks a certain something. I've been looking at it over and over and just can not decide - I am wondering if there is too much background...any thoughts on finished or unfinished let me know!

Bathroom Tour

Well, in the abscence of any recent art work i thought i'd do another tour, inspired by a few blogs i've been checking out...sooo the bathroom... here is the bath, which I painted to match the wood panelling - the little chandelier at the back holds little candles that look so pretty when lit and the small iron table at the back is perfectly positioned so i can easily access my wine/ beer, which i frequently have in the bath...bliss! [please note a real hot bath makes it go to your head quicker ...hence why i do it!!! :-) )

Then, the shower

I made the cushion on the chair...I was really pleased with this; I did some patchwork first and even used the button thingymecutter on the sewing machine so i could fasten the pad in safely - I can not believe it as I got F- grade at school in needlework and hated it - Miss Fitchett would never believe it!!! Just shows what you can do sometimes. The rug is a TK Maxx find - love that shop. I also made the pelmets above the window...a little wonky as you can see but I don't mind.

Then my bathroom mirror ...

Then lastly my bathroom cabinet, which was in a really bad way when we got it for twenty quid + a mars bar from a local scrap yard! The guy has left it in the rain so it was a bit rotten - Paul sorted out the wood and I decorated using scrap book papers, varnish and paints - see, I even mix media my furniture nowadays...a few coats of varnish seem to have protected it ok so far :-)

So that's the bathroom done.

Little Bird

At last the bird is finished! For some reason, this piece just struggled into being....the top layer of wax melted off lots of pen detail; I could not get the font or materials right for the lettering; I've revisited this piece numerous times....but persistance has led to completion ...I am now pleased with this piece, and pleased that I saw the process through, rather than give up. It reads "why not fly free little bird". The theme behind this is based on my recent musings on how we perhaps have more scope for freedom in our lives than we realise/ believe/ hope for. However, the awareness of such possibilities may be likened to a caged bird who' s door is left open - if you've seen a bird who's been caged some time then you might have seen this - they don't want to fly out. There is all that space beyond their cage, but they seem to just sit on their perch and are reluctant to leave, even with coaxing. I wonder if we start to feel comfortable about our potential for freedom if the metaphorical door stays open long enough....do we stay put hoping the door will shut and make things safe again...do we wait for a hand to come in and help us out...do we just one day suddenly take off....how do we even know the door is open - i guess we need to be able to recognise that door to even have such choices and know when it is open for us....

Poetry and Art

Sitting alone on the porch

the surrounding winds howl

echoing the empty turbine of my soul.

I rock in the chair to comfort myself,

to ease the pain of the hurricane in my heart,

hoping that as the storm passes a new calm will emerge.

The harder I rock the more i believe.

Void

Messy Studio - Messy Emotions

I thought I'd upload a picture of my studio as it is today - mess and all.

Sitting in this mess made me think about when my friend Rach came round to see me once... we went up to my studio and it was all messy, for which I apologised. She said she liked to see it messy cause it showed something creative had been going on. Today I've been wondering if emotions are the same...when we're feeling all messy inside is it part of the creative change within us? Do we need a mess in order to create something new within us, a bit like that well-known phrase about chaos birthing a star? If we endeavour to keep our emotions too tidy does it restrict and constrain our growth and potential for future play? I had to cancel a big holiday today. A holiday that involved seeing a special friend who has moved out to LA. And I cancelled as I had to be honest with how I feel...it doesn't feel right to go - the trip feels like a challenge rather than a rest, like a test rather than a treat. I so wanted to push on past these emotions, past my fear of being on the plane and feeling trapped. To do what i normally do and push myself along with life no matter how i feel about things. I want to feel all tidy and have the holiday of a lifetime and see my friends. But, I feel all messy inside and my messy messy emotions means it feel all wrong, even though the tidy part of me, the show home part of me, wants to go so noone knows about the mess i really sometimes live in. Maybe I've been feeling like this for a while... i recently finshed this... It reads "Light emerges after darkness to illuminate the self", and at the minute I'm doing this...

it's going to read something like ... "why don't you fly free little bird when your cage door is open?"

Debbie, I am sorry.