samantha jenkins

Long time no post...again

2010-02-20T16:04:00.006Z

Where does the time go? The weeks have flown by and i've neglected this place! Here's a couple of my recent paintings. This one reads 'soul' ...
you might be able to make out there is a compass in the heart area. Soap Box Alert! In the West the rational mind is king, but i like the idea that our mind should actually be the servant...our soul is designed to be our true ruler...our guide and compass...and it communicates through our heart and our feelings... not our thoughts. Trouble is, like all untamed beasts, if we let our minds take over they can become wild and unruly, kicking our emotions to one side. Our heart has little chance then to be 'heard'. I find it increasingly strange that our society encourages us to 'listen' to our mind more than our feelings...it's seems to me to be a historical legacy of the age of rationalism and the enlightenment era. I am more akin to Romanticism. I think people feel unwell, stressed, anxious and unsettled today because we've been encouraged to ignore how we feel and so are becoming increasingly aliented from our selves...we're led to believe feelings can not be trusted, but our thinking can...and i've got my theories on that, which i won't share today. To keep on track, I think our mind/heart relationship can be summed up using the analgogy of a board meeting scenario - our mind and ego is like the loud, competative, social group pleaser whilst our heart is is more of a quiet, unassuming, patient type who waits to be invited to 'speak'- unless we calm the mind down and sometimes tell it to shut up a bit, we may never really 'hear' what our heart is trying to say. The more subtle communication of emotions and intuition need to be invited in, so we need to try and focus less on analysis and problem-solving. Our mind is a certainly a useful tool, like our body, but let your heart be your king...i truly think it's the more reliable compass to happiness. The mind is so last century!!
Anyway, back to art, this one's called 'Knowing'
Both these lovely paintings are dedicated to my lovely mummy whose birthday it is today...happy birthday mum x x x x

The winner, dillon and a new painting

2010-01-09T12:36:00.006Z

Well, the time has finally come to announce the lucky winner of 'Released' from the swamp of entries!!! I used one of the random number generators via google but have been unable to work out how to import it here...but the winner was number 1...that's Kylie Larsson I believe (?). Congratulations - can you please forward me your address via my email at samjenkins@paulandsam.plus.com ...apologies to the others of you who joined in - thanks for taking part and visiting my blog though!
In other happenings today....Dillon's by the fireside...everywhere is still covered in snow (no longer beautiful just a pain in the ass)

And i finished this painting this morning - the text on the flower pot reads 'Story'

Hope all is well with you wherever you are and whatever you are up to.

2010-01-08T18:04:00.004Z

On the countdown to the giveaway (which will be announced some time tomorrow) i thought i'd share a couple of sky-inspired poems with you - evidently written at times to reflect a very different mood of mine...

Grey Sky
Above, the cloud-filled sky reminiscent of my mind,
Grey...static..dense.
Only fragments of light find their way through....
Suffocating... claustrophobic.
Can beauty really be found in grey
or does it only reside in the kaleidoscope rainbow colours
prevented from being by its murky presence?

Sunset
Life
like a sunset,
blazing glory of vivid colour.
Drifting along.
Behold its passing beauty,
subtle shifts and changes all aglow.
A moment in time to be captured
before effervescent beauty fades.
Be sure to witness the sunset.
A unique moment,
a gift.
Gone.

Turning grey into colour

2010-01-06T16:02:00.013Z

Yesterday was REALLY grey outside...I took a snapshot which looks like a black and white photo..only the brickwork shows this was in fact in colour ...So, i decided to tackle this empty box and mix media it up
And today it's been finished and now looks like this

The lid close up...

Lid open

Sides....

And that's the great thing about creativity....it can help occupy a grey day by placing you in a world of imagination and colour.
We're on countdown for the giveaway...only 4 comments...it could be you!

'Billy' moan and 2010 intentions

2010-01-02T18:23:00.000Z

Firstly, happy new year to all...let's hope this year brings a whole load of goodness and joy to our lives. For those who have commented i also hope the dreams you've mentioned come true in some small or big way. It's a new year...a time to be positive..to look forward ..but i'm going to start my blog of 2010 a little differently. I've been feeling like the billy no mates of the blog world! I am glad that it is looking good for those who have commented on my give away...i am....as the competition is hardly fierce! BUT, I must admit i've been grappling with a few reactions to this, feeling... dejected? embarrassed? I knew i only had a few visitors but the reality of seeing just a few (as lovely as they are) comments makes me feel like a kid with hardly anyone showing at their party!!! Well, only 3 people... I've considered a number of times not keeping this blog ...mainly when i start comparing myself with other people...it's sometimes hard to pursue things without external comparison...recognition (?) ....praise (?) i get the 'what's the point of my crappy blog in this huge blogosphere?' chatter in my head....a place of multiple, beautiful, inspiring blogs...indeed, blog envy sets in...i feel like the billy no mates of the blog world...But then I try and remind myself that it's just my bruised ego talking..our so called culture... popular is good...volume is good....we are only worthy if lots of other people tell us we are. When I am feeling more optimistic...spiritual....whatever it is....then i try and remind myself that noone in this world occupies my space...there is room for us all...for all our contributions and ways of doing and being. I do this blog to share a part of my creative world...for an audience of one or one hundred thousand what does it matter, really? It's maybe just the ego thing...wanting to be the best...the favourite....the one whose voice is heard...but i want to move away from this...to know that i am enough irrespectively...to do what i do for me...other people's secondary enjoyment is a bonus but not a necessity...that's where i want to be...but of course we all like a dollop of feel good feedback sometimes don't we!!! So, with that off my chest here's a list of my intentions rather than resolutions for this year...let's see if they manifest..by writing them here at least i have a hope of remembering what they are/ were...

- to be on ' deal or no deal' :-)

- to develop new friendships

- to explore new paths

- to further develop my creativity

- to develop a healthy lifestyle; diet and exercise (hm this has been on the cards for the last 15 years or so so let's see if i can crack it this year..I'm stocking up on nuts and biscuits in preparation!!)

- to accept and enjoy where i am at...

- to do those things that feel right more

- to do those things that i think are right but feel wrong less

Pressie... for you?

2009-12-22T10:02:00.000Z

As this will be my last post of 2009 I'd like to wish anyone reading this a very merry christmas and peaceful new year. As a little holiday gift and in honour of the fact that i've been blogging nearly a year i'm going to do a little prize giveaway ...here it is...
remember her from this post...just leave a comment that defines your dreams for 2010 and i will randomly select a name in the new year....due to the holiday period i'll accept comments up until January 9th 2010..that's also officially my first blog anniversary!!! The odds might be in your favour as I'm not sure i have too many visitors at the moment... so, if you fancy give it a go...if you are the only person to comment then she will be yours for sure!

Dolls, dolls and more dolls....

2009-12-21T12:35:00.016Z

Lately, I have mostly been making dolls ... all presents - one of which has already been sent so i can not share her here, but here's the others....
First there is this one for my workfriend Teresa...to say goodbye... I work my last official day tomorrow (yikes!) ...she loves purple
This dinky one is for my work friend Heather....it's just under 4 inches tall...cute!
A christmas gift for my friend Debbie who is over visiting from LA
A christmas gift for someone else (in case they look here they shall remain nameless but hopefully hopeful)
and some one else
What dya think.. think they'll like 'em?

Paintings of Late

2009-12-20T12:39:00.004Z

Memories

Angel's Blessings Shine on You

To Dream

New Paintings

2009-12-01T14:13:00.007Z

Thought i'd share my most recent paintings that i've completed as part of the 'painting layers' course with Misty Mawn ...which i have loved....

Counting down now until i finish work...was clearing out all my drawers and files yesterday with some pangs of nostalgia ... but I am ready to move on in a new direction...the ideas are perculating of what i might do next... one thing i now know about myself is that i get bored easily...i like variety and challenge and learning new things all the time...so i know i am perhaps best suited to doing lots of 'little' jobs rather than one 'big' job - i have more chance to free myself from the monotiny of routine and predictable work, from being absorbed in detail..My plan is that each opportunity that might present itself is going to be measured on my scales of contentment! So....how much material value v how much soul value/ satisfaction will the work bring?...which one am i most in need of at that time?....I hope i always have the resources and courage to let the latter win and guide me every time...but i guess it's always about balance too... mundane things highlight the exciting things, the big the small, the practical and the ideological...One thing i am trying hardest to do is benchmark and direct my life by my needs, standards and desires and not those of societal pressure and the delusion of collusion...

My First Publication!

2009-10-29T13:31:00.008Z

I am really excited to share that I have some of my artwork published in the Nov/Dec issue of Cloth Paper Scissors magazine!

It's a 'how to' article for making stuffed horse ornaments like Diego...

Why not have a go....

More dolls

2009-10-23T15:25:00.001+01:00

Just thought i'd post a few more doll images. At last Sweetcheeks found her feet - hoping i find mine too soon...yawn! (Slight variable poor photography alert!)

And this cutie ....

and these pairAnd finally Peace, which i made for me!She sits in my spare room to watch over my guests as they sleep...here's where she sits...you can just about make her out on the left of the cabinet!!!
So, that's about it...hope peace is sitting with you x

Hare mind,tortoise heart

2009-10-22T11:47:00.005+01:00

They say patience is a virtue and i used to practice this whenever i could/ remembered to...you know, trying not to get annoyed with the frail couple pottering along and blocking the pavement...listening to a person repeat the same story over and over with a kind and interested heart as i know it's important to them, and know i need to do this sometimes...trying to deal with annoying incidents without losing my cool... However, i feel like i am being challenged to endure...experience... a new kind of patience. I sit and wait and hope and trust that i will find my path in life. I have always felt a frustration, a desire to live an authentic life and, importantly, to be of service as i am meant to be...to reach my potentials and thrive. However, I feel like i am currently in a kind of suspension...no place to go, no direction, no drive. I have my thoughts about what i think my path might be, but there are subtle shifts and changes...and i am trying to wait, to trust and do all the things all the books i've read suggest. It goes against the grain however....the logical workings of my socially developed mind...how will anything emerge in the abscence of my doing...how will i get to where i want to be if i do not know how or where to begin? Maybe i should begin with x or y...maybe this...maybe that...and it's agitating. So, I am trying to practice patience...real deep patience where i let go of the reigns for a bit, where i just try and remain calm and hopeful. It makes me see that this kind of patience is alien to me....i think about something i want to do then i go about making it happen to the best of my ability...I act and do and pursue with my mind...for sure i can be lazy, and sitting around is not a problem to me, but it is sitting around as a conscious decision to wait and see what i feel...to make space...that's difficult. I am waiting to act and do with my heart...and it's not telling me anything. Sometimes i doubt it will ever tell me anything, but then i remind myself of this page i did a couple of weeks ago.

My mind seems to operate and talk to me at the speed of a hare but my heart seems to operate at that of a tortoise...there's just no rushing it...maybe it needs time to catch up as it's never been given much opportunity to work before - my mind was my king. Or maybe i need to slow down and realise there is another pace in life...a more relaxed, less urgent heart-felt way to be...

Truth and Time

2009-10-10T14:13:00.011+01:00

Here are a couple more of my dolls...

'Truth'

Is there only one truth, or is there only our truth? How do we know if our truth is really our truth? Does truth evolve or is it whole...a whole that is gradually uncovered?

Time

Time...I'm always so conscious of it...always thinking of my age... ageing... time passing....time wasted.... what have i done with my time.... what should i do with my time...where has the time gone since i was 7, 18, 28, 35...I've always had an obession with my age - even at 18 i couldn't believe i was so old...imagine! I made her and thought she was a reminder about the importance of time...but i guess I don't need a reminder...maybe she is just an outward representation of my obsession with time...what's that about?
Apologies for the ropey photography - I am so not a technician and photography does not come easy to me...

The Road Trip

2009-10-08T15:31:00.006+01:00

Two very different people decide to embark upon a road trip.
The first person is very clear about the route they wish to take, the destinations they want to reach, what they want to do...so they plan what they will see and do in each place. On their trip then, they are sure to see the key sights as determined by the opinions, wisdom and experiences of the experts in the travel books they'd read. Each step of the way they can 'tick off' each milestone they reach and feel satisfied that they completed what they set out to do. No deviations are desired. By achieving and seeing those things mapped out, they can also tell everyone else clearly what they did, what they saw and others will know what they are talking about. The planning of their journey minimises their anxiety and helps them feel safe, and enables them to feel a sense of accomplishment at the end; they know they achieved what they set out to do.
The second person does not plan their trip but merely starts their journey with the intention of seeing where this takes them. Of course, this is fraught with potential perils:

1) they don't know where they are going, so what if their vulnerability is exposed and they get attacked by someone?
2) what if they go round in circles because they are unfamiliar with how to move forward?
3) what if they get lost and are alone with strangers ...somewhere cold and uncomfortable and dangerous?
4) what if they run out of money?
5) what if they miss all the important sights and experiences on the way?
6) what if they go to places that scare them with people who can only speak in a foreign language around them?
7) how will they know when the journey has come to an end if they don't know where the final destination is?
It is clear, however, that a reverse tale exists where infinate possibilities can arise purely down to the lack of planning and pre-determined path

1) what if people don't perceive them as vulnerable and let them travel without fear or concern?
2) what if concern about moving in circles is not realised? All journeys have signs and landmarks that guide the way...it might mean journeying past them over and over until they become familiar however...
3) what if they use their voice and intuition to ask for direction and help if they become lost? They might be surprised at the hand of strangers who will direct them
4) what if they trust that if money runs out they can always get a job...make things...do some dirty or menial work...it doesn't add up to not start the journey for fear regarding money
5) they might or might not miss all the important sights and experiences on the way. It depends on how they define important...there are those sights and experiences people desire because they've been guided others but there is also beauty that they never knew existed...they need to ask who is this journey for?
6) there can be scarey places on both planned and unplanned journeys due to circumstances, chance, universal law, coincidence...the unplanned journey becomes less dangerous when you talk to people in that place who can share wisdom. Foreign languages dissolve through shared connections and attempts to speak in the other person's tongue.
7) they'll feel when it's time for that trip to end...they don't have to do anything or go anywhere until it feel right

The one last advantage of this trip is that there are no expectations or outcomes...experiences can be accepted for what they are and as they happen..the lack of planning means there are no 'musts', 'shoulds', 'have got tos' .
I have chosen to take that road less travelled (cliched i know :-} but somehow true)...I have moments of doubt...I have moments of excitement...i hope to feel brave as i start my new journey to who knows where - i have a vague inkling of where i'd like to go, but I'm trying to temper my will and give my trust a leg up as i begin....Where's you're journey taking you?

New Beginnings

2009-10-04T11:02:00.009+01:00

New beginnings are the theme of my moment. I have recently resigned from my job in order to pursue a new path...OMG!!!This was...IS... such a big deal for me...years in the making...but I've finally decided to try and take a new path...I'm not fully sure how it will happen, if it will happen but I have to trust SOMETHING will happen. I've been in Education for the past 8 years and I have learnt so much, but it's not for me now. I want to continue to work with people... help facilitate people's growth as I am passionate about this...I never tire of it...including working on my own growth.... but I need to do this in my own way, outside the parameters and boundaries of formal educational systems. I have some ideas of what i might do...but i'm trying to pace myself...i have a real tendancy to get all enthusiastic and rush headlong into things...this time i'm trying to be more measured, trying to believe if it's right for me their will be the space for me...there is no rush. It's took a moment to write this but years to realise it. Years to clear the fog of who i really am and what i really want to do; years to pluck up the courage to tread my own path; years to dare to try and show myself and trust myself. And this is with support of my husband and some close friends and, when i eventually told them, my family. For some of us it's hard to see and show ourselves... really hard. I am still finding my way here.
I've also been busy on a new series of dolls, which i am in love with, both in terms of making them and seeing them in their finished glory...I'll share a couple now and more later

The Possibility of Transformation

2009-09-26T13:42:00.010+01:00

I took a painting that did not feel right...did not make me happy...and i changed it. Like re-painting an image, I believe that we can change elements of ourselves and our lives... but similarly we need to dare to make the change and begin again - taking the old and trusting things can be improved, enhanced, made to feel better. This video shows how transformation is gradual - a trial and error - a playing with elements to see where things fit- push and pull - keeping going. It's tough though, accepting that transformation happens in small changes and subtle shifts that gradually take form and mutate into something new. Trusting that even when things don't feel like they're shifting, they are...slowly. And, perhaps the hardest lesson for me is accepting that even when it all seems done, a review of things shows us further areas for change and enhancement...new possibilities and new ways of doing and being

In the middle

2009-09-02T14:19:00.007+01:00

In the time that has elapsed since my last post change has been occuring. I have made a big decision which signfies my commitment to living my life in a way that feels personally meaningful and fulfilling. An authentic life. I have found that in trying to define my true self it is difficult to determine between what is real and what is fallacy. To seperate out what i want and need to be and what others want and need me has been difficult and is still somewhat of an ongoing puzzle. What society might say is successful and accomplished and what i see as successful and accomplished are sometimes at odds, and that in itself feels odd...it presents a tension that needs to be resolved inwardly rather than manifested outwardly, if that makes sense. This is real easy to write, harder to believe, even harder to practice and implement. But perhaps that is the word - practice and rehearsal and implementation...gradually 'performing' the way I want to...trial and error...time and repetition. This....

and this...."Free to Bloom"

are so implicitly linked don't you find..

So here i try to sit, in the middle of transformation. Not being one thing, not yet being another. Holding on tightly and trying to keep faith and hope that i am doing the right thing. Hoping that i am moving ever closer to becoming me ...i want congruence, familiarity and love within myself for myself. This is my journey. This is my struggle. I am getting there. We can all get there..... little by little...

Starting to breathe

2009-07-09T21:27:00.004+01:00

I know I have been neglecting this blog. I have been busy, busy though nurturing myself. This has been a long, slow process in which I have been making small but deliberate steps to transform both myself and my life. For years and years I have felt stuck in a quagmire (??)...and when i say years I mean maybe 20 ...yes, that long... since my teens. I feel i have been in a place that felt removed from me...a place where I was existing but suffocating...a place where something deep deep down inside knew that something was not right, did not fit. For sure, to the outside world i had few reasons to be unhappy - a lovely, kind husband, comfortable home, my small family, a few friends and an alleged great career. But something was amiss and I did not know what, and often I did not think it should be there, beating myself with negative self talk, like "what have you got to worry about... don't be so selfish... be grateful for what you have... just get on with it". I truly think that our souls talk to us though - however distant and infrequent these rumblings are, however alien they feel, however much you doubt their truth, they are there, even when you are removed from your Self. Deliberate and persistant I think our true Self will not let us be, not until we can really be as and who we are. Agitation, anxiety, distress, remoteness, frustration, apathy...all potential signs i think, all messages from our Self to ourself. I think these are telling us something. What that is can be hard to discover. It takes awareness and time, a tenderness, an optimism. Maybe support and help and talking it through. Journaling too has helped me...so much...both writing a journal and art journaling has helped me get to know my Self better. It has allowed me the time to sit with my Self and my thoughts and feelings and focus. Little, little steps are truly all that is needed to start our journeys. I am inpatient. I wanted to get to my destination, my arrival to Self, thinking it's a Utopia where I will be complete. Now, I think little steps are often all we can take...and I also think that the journey never ends...it has no destination...it is like travelling the world on foot...no matter how many peaks and troughs, how many achievements and wonders, there are always infinite more things to discover. And, maybe, it is because of this that the journey is worth taking in the first place...the possibilites are endless, our potential for growth is endless, and so knowing the true Self also becomes an endless but wondrous journey.

Journal Love

2009-06-14T16:51:00.009+01:00

Well, I've not been blogging for a while...I've been consumed by a new love...journaling. It's something I've read about and seen a lot of artists do, but it's never really appealed, but now... ah it is a sweet relationship I have developed with this little book :-). I guess i started now as I'm really in the midst of, and commited to, a personal journey of trying to understand and develop a better relationship with myself. So, I joined a journaling course with Tam at Willowing to motivate me to engage with using journals, as so many things i've read point to how useful they are for self expression and exploration. Well, even before the course started I was hooked. If you've never tried it I can only recommend you give it a go. I have found it illuminating and freeing, a chance to explore myself and a few techniques with no pressure and no reliance on anyone else. I LOVE it. I must admit I can fall in love with things quickly and fall out of love just as quickly, but I've got a feeling this one could be a long lived friend...we'll see. Anyway thought I'd share a few pages with you. The cover...

and then a few pages I've done so far.....

this last one has just been finished today and is a double page spread...it reads the long and arduous journey within oneself...anyone else know that feeling?

Paintings and Poems

2009-05-22T14:32:00.004+01:00

Seeds

Your words embed into my soul

like seeds in furtile soil.

With the pouring of rain

life is embued.

Seeds take root,

that cavort and weave until secure.

Attention! Toil disturbs those seeds,

mutated and grown.

And, with furtive ground laid bare

a soul is freed from the the seeds of your words.

And then, another inspired by my painting above

In Your Hands

Hold you heart carefully within your own hands.

Tender and precious,

and luminous...

like light refracting from gold.

Hold it, keep it close,

let it shine.

Know it is yours alone to own.

Tend to it,

It's your, yours....

Then....

As darkness enshrouds

trust and know light is all around

shining for you.

You are never alone

Works in Progress

2009-05-09T12:40:00.016+01:00

Here is a little doll i'm working on at the moment....

As I was planning to share, I dreamt up a little scenario in which sweet cheeks (the dolly) wanted to show herself but was embarrased cause she is incomplete, with no legs and raggedy edges. Then it suddenly dawned on me that I keep repeating similar messages in my blog, in different ways; bizzarely brownies and messy rooms being the past formats. So, I guess this must be a whisper, a message, something important for me to digest. Although I've wrote along this same theme in the past it's like only now can I really stop and try and take that in...give it some space to perculate...hmmm interesting (finger on pursed lips at this moment). I also penned a little poem this morning, which i think shows messages about this are coming through loud and strong....

Am I enough to share your time, to have your ear, and hear your mind?

Am I enough to share my soul and not be judged and not be told?

Am I enough to roam alone and know that time is mine to own?

Am I enough to now be true, yet still be loved enough by you?

I am enough

I guess I am starting to see that my perfectionist self, my vulnerable self wants only to show the capable parts of me, the neat parts of me. It wants to neglect the messy edges and flops...doesn't like to think about them or is punishing that they have happened. Is too scared to show them. Feels alone with them. I need to give space to accepting that we are all works in progress, we can always be enhanced, developed and improved. I need to digest and accept the truth of this. Dare to really show my raggedy edges...to myself and to others. To accept that I am enough, even though I am not and can never be perfect. With this mini revelation I hope I have scope to practice, and accept that no matter where I am, how far I have come or how far I have to go, I am a work forever in progress but i am still enough. I hope this for you too.

Long time no post

2009-05-04T17:26:00.012+01:00

Well, I've not posted for some time. I thought i'd share some art i've been doing lately but i am feeling a little hesitent- particularly with this new piece...

i completed this a couple of weeks ago and in the meantime kelly rae roberts has done a painting and it worries me - I can see parallels - 2 women with the same coloured hair in similar styles, located in similar positions with text. I completed this before kelly rae uploaded her image (honestly, honestly) and of course she has not seen this piece - a conversation over on gritty jane has got me feeling now quite ... paranoid? ....concerned? ...uncertain? though about how my work might be perceived against others. How can I do my own thing without it being perceived that I am too similar to others, or worse copying them? I know the parallels are purely coincidental but who else would?
So, then i am questioning where have i developed my own style and where is my work representing a morphing of other people's work? I often leave my work hanging around a few days/ weeks to live with it, to know if it's complete but now I'm thinking maybe i need to upload my work straight away so that people can see mine is there before another artist so I can not be considered to be taking their ideas in some way. It's complex...and i feel concerned and i have no way of proving my innocence; a bit dramatic i know, but this is a question of integrity... i just hope any of you out there who might read this have faith in this.
On another note (or not????) here are more shares on what else i've been doing lately...

and this...
and this
although i really can not decide if this last one is finished or lacks a certain something. I've been looking at it over and over and just can not decide - I am wondering if there is too much background...any thoughts on finished or unfinished let me know!

Bathroom Tour

2009-04-08T16:38:00.011+01:00

Well, in the abscence of any recent art work i thought i'd do another tour, inspired by a few blogs i've been checking out...sooo the bathroom... here is the bath, which I painted to match the wood panelling - the little chandelier at the back holds little candles that look so pretty when lit and the small iron table at the back is perfectly positioned so i can easily access my wine/ beer, which i frequently have in the bath...bliss! [please note a real hot bath makes it go to your head quicker ...hence why i do it!!! :-) )

Then, the shower

I made the cushion on the chair...I was really pleased with this; I did some patchwork first and even used the button thingymecutter on the sewing machine so i could fasten the pad in safely - I can not believe it as I got F- grade at school in needlework and hated it - Miss Fitchett would never believe it!!! Just shows what you can do sometimes. The rug is a TK Maxx find - love that shop. I also made the pelmets above the window...a little wonky as you can see but I don't mind.

Then my bathroom mirror ...

Then lastly my bathroom cabinet, which was in a really bad way when we got it for twenty quid + a mars bar from a local scrap yard! The guy has left it in the rain so it was a bit rotten - Paul sorted out the wood and I decorated using scrap book papers, varnish and paints - see, I even mix media my furniture nowadays...a few coats of varnish seem to have protected it ok so far :-)

So that's the bathroom done.

Little Bird

2009-03-28T13:53:00.001Z

At last the bird is finished! For some reason, this piece just struggled into being....the top layer of wax melted off lots of pen detail; I could not get the font or materials right for the lettering; I've revisited this piece numerous times....but persistance has led to completion ...I am now pleased with this piece, and pleased that I saw the process through, rather than give up. It reads "why not fly free little bird". The theme behind this is based on my recent musings on how we perhaps have more scope for freedom in our lives than we realise/ believe/ hope for. However, the awareness of such possibilities may be likened to a caged bird who' s door is left open - if you've seen a bird who's been caged some time then you might have seen this - they don't want to fly out. There is all that space beyond their cage, but they seem to just sit on their perch and are reluctant to leave, even with coaxing. I wonder if we start to feel comfortable about our potential for freedom if the metaphorical door stays open long enough....do we stay put hoping the door will shut and make things safe again...do we wait for a hand to come in and help us out...do we just one day suddenly take off....how do we even know the door is open - i guess we need to be able to recognise that door to even have such choices and know when it is open for us....

Poetry and Art

2009-03-26T18:51:00.013Z

Sitting alone on the porch

the surrounding winds howl

echoing the empty turbine of my soul.

I rock in the chair to comfort myself,

to ease the pain of the hurricane in my heart,

hoping that as the storm passes a new calm will emerge.

The harder I rock the more i believe.

Void

Messy Studio - Messy Emotions

2009-03-20T13:23:00.009Z

I thought I'd upload a picture of my studio as it is today - mess and all.

Sitting in this mess made me think about when my friend Rach came round to see me once... we went up to my studio and it was all messy, for which I apologised. She said she liked to see it messy cause it showed something creative had been going on. Today I've been wondering if emotions are the same...when we're feeling all messy inside is it part of the creative change within us? Do we need a mess in order to create something new within us, a bit like that well-known phrase about chaos birthing a star? If we endeavour to keep our emotions too tidy does it restrict and constrain our growth and potential for future play? I had to cancel a big holiday today. A holiday that involved seeing a special friend who has moved out to LA. And I cancelled as I had to be honest with how I feel...it doesn't feel right to go - the trip feels like a challenge rather than a rest, like a test rather than a treat. I so wanted to push on past these emotions, past my fear of being on the plane and feeling trapped. To do what i normally do and push myself along with life no matter how i feel about things. I want to feel all tidy and have the holiday of a lifetime and see my friends. But, I feel all messy inside and my messy messy emotions means it feel all wrong, even though the tidy part of me, the show home part of me, wants to go so noone knows about the mess i really sometimes live in. Maybe I've been feeling like this for a while... i recently finshed this... It reads "Light emerges after darkness to illuminate the self", and at the minute I'm doing this...

it's going to read something like ... "why don't you fly free little bird when your cage door is open?"

Debbie, I am sorry.

Tour Continued

2009-03-15T13:26:00.007Z

Well, i am post crazy this weekend...I've just got time on my hands, so at last thought i'd continue the tour of my home for any remotely interested people (personally, I love a good nose!). Today the front room...

Our house was built in 1908 and so this would have been the more formal room where things 'for best' would be kept. My great nan had a front room 'for best' and really the only person who got hosted in there was the doctor if he did a home visit! Me and my brother were allowed occasional peaks in this room, but definately not allowed to touch! I guess i've kept this theme in a way - the back dining room is where we tend to doss most of the time and then this room is used mainly for night time TV viewing or after meal chatting with friends. It's COZY when the fire is on - me and my husband also made sure we had two setees this time, as in the past many an argument ensued about who got to lay on the sofa and who got crushed up on the chair. The great thing about these posts is they don't show up the dust...great!

Feeling alone

2009-03-14T14:40:00.000Z

A strong realisation for me this past week has been acknowledging that I am feeling lonely. And I realise that i've known this lonliness for some time, years really, but i haven't been able to make sense of it...but now I know, it's cause I've got noone to play with. Yes i've got friends, including my husband Paul, and yes I can share some of myself with these friends. But I am only just starting to see there is a part of me, probably the biggest part of me that has a lot of creative energy buzzing around inside. I was always doing imaginative play as a kid - loved creative story writing at school - and really, the only time I enjoy my time at work is when i have chance to think and be creative-a rare thing amongst the daily admin and beaurocracy and tasks that need doing. I can see now that for the past year or two i have retreated into myself - I am not that often in touch with most of my friends, only a couple, and these past few months find me doing my art alone, reading alone, shopping alone, largely being alone. I am starting to wonder if some of the frustrated tears that come and go are linked to the frustration of having had no connection with my own creativity or that of others. I need to meet like-minded souls. I am an ideologist; believe in dreams; hope in possiblity; crave learning and development; feel constricted by too many rules and boundaries and shoulds and musts; love philosophising; having good humour; love generating and sharing ideas to make a moment or the world better; love eating and drinking; love questioning, like a three year old I am always asking but why?; am not afraid to question;am emotional and just a bit neurotic.... but where are like-minded souls to be found? I have joined some online groups which help a little but i need to meet people in the flesh, hear their stories. I want to find people who are further on the creative, spiritual path than me who can inspire me, challenge me, show me and guide me...inspired by all these feelings came this... who will hold my hand?

so, if you are out there I am waiting to meet you, to go for coffee, to have a large glass of red, to share stories of the soul and of creativity. I can listen real well, can you listen to me too? I can support and be there for you, the real you, can you support and be there for me, the real me too? I am waiting....Is it because so many of us are distracted by life, it's hard to find those who are concerned with/ have time for their 'inner life'. So many of my friends are occupied with their children and work and stuff..I don't know...so i did this...

It reads "looking at all of the shimmering lights can surpress the bright light inside ourselves which will lie in silent in the wait to emerge"

the flop of expectation

2009-03-13T13:45:00.014Z

Today (and yesterday) I have a painful back from some kind of muscle trouble and so in the spirit of easing my pain I decided to make some brownies...even though a past post shows that the calorific dangers of brownie making are known to me. However, something inside told me to do it and i thought i could post a picture of them like I have seen others do... neat little pieces in an artsy shot. . well, here they are ...

What? anticipation, greed I dunno it took over - even though my knife test showed me it wasn't ready I took it out thinking it'd finish cooking on the cooling plate (It made sense in my head at the time) but no, the top flopped off. So it got me thinking...

1) it's a little life lesson for me - in my keeness to get things done and finish a task I always rush the process and then things just don't turn out how i expect. I need to be patient and believe the process is cooking up something wonderful without my inteference - i contribute by starting the process (making sure all the ingredients are in place), by having the patience to wait but also being alert too (for checking if things are looking ok)

2) I thought about not posting a picture of my brownies as they weren't the neat pieces I had envisaged - my expectation was disappointed - but do you know what they taste as good as they would neat. I guess we all want to portray the best parts of ourselves, our lives - the things that work out, the things that look great, maybe so we get a few admiring glances? Maybe so others envy us - so we don't feel inferior, so we feel the best - who knows...But sometimes my brownies will work and sometimes they won't, and that's life...for all of us. Who would have thought brownies could have so much to teach us?

3) everything is in perspective today as i am reading this. Oh my god, how awful would this life have been. The mere glimpses of what happened, well ...I am only at the beginning and so not sure what I will take from this book in the end, but today at least it has taught me perspective, that my back pain is a slight trouble that will pass and my brownie, well my goodness I am just grateful to have the liberty in my life to spend time baking something that tastes wonderful in my safe and warm home.

oh and ahh...i wanted to post this...he stinks, he's scruffy..no not my husband although he fits the bill...Dillon dog...look at the bed head, well he is a teenager in doggy years after all - please note that carpet is not my choice...apologies if you have a carpet like this from choice, it's just not my cup of tea.

Where does time go?

2009-03-04T13:47:00.022Z

I can not believe it has been soooo long since I have posted. I guess time has passed quickly as lots of things have been happening. It was my mum's 60th birthday and me and my family went away for a long weekend to Tetbury, a lovely Gloucestershire town...overall, we had a really nice time with some great shopping done in Cirencester!I bought a new painting which is now proudly hanging in my bathroom - will post this room soon as my home tour has stopped short hasn't it?..you will then be able to see this piece 'in situ'.

It is impossible for me to believe that my mum is 60, that my husband is 40, that I am 37 - where did that time go from when i was 7? How can it be that it's 20...20 years since I was 17? I can get really taken up with thoughts like this - they don't get me any where, but I'm often thinking things like 'what have i been doing for 20 years?'... ' what could i/ should I have been doin for the last 20 years'.... 'in the same time again I'll be nearly 60, oh my god quick what do i want to do/be?'...then i feel stuck in inertia cause I don't know, then I worry I'm wasting my life away... I feel pressure to do all these things in my life but then can feel so content just sitting on my sofa doing nothing in particular. Weird.

I have at least been spending some enjoyable time doing another online class with Jane DesRosier about texture...the doll class has been on the back burner as I've got stuck into all the wonderful videos that they are sharing on texture- great!!! However, I've almost finished my first doll from her class...

ain't she cute?...just a little indecent with her panties showing! That's partly because i can't find the starch i need for her skirt over here in the UK... i've got a different one to see if it works. If not it will be another internet search, which is dangerous ...first cause i can deviate on a bit of a shopping spree and, as I often use paypal it feels like everything is free :-), until statements arrive :-o...
Here is my first attempt at a dolly of my own design...

I've also done some more canvases...dolls distract me from canvases and vice versa....This canvas reflects my feelings on the kind of change we experience in life that i can only call a spiritual awakening/ knowing; a creative awakening/ knowing...how these moments can make us fragile from all the stretching and growing pains that come with this, and of how we need care, not only from others but also from ourselves....

Transformation

And another piece reflecting where I'm at is this ...

Facing Back

I'm really pleased with this...it reflects my feelings on looking back...when did I last really know myself...know myself best? Have I ever...like, really known myself..? I don't know, I think this is my favourite piece i've done so far, something about it...I love the colours, the sentiment...

Then, most recent a canvas inspired by the credit card technique learnt on the texture workshops. The white text on the right reads

"Your soul softly sings to you...listen...listen...like the wings of the birds it can carry you way...to freedom...to true, eternal love...to joy...to hope and comfort...to peace...to your truest self...listen...".

It's my biggest canvas to date at 31.5 x11.5" and it was a bit of a challenge doing a compostion for these measurements. Here's a bit of a close up

Click on the logo link in my sidebar if you want to check out the texture or doll workshop...they are both great value for money ...I've learnt a lot. Jane's is one of my favourite blogs, even though i can't get it to appear in my list :-( . Through these sites I've also discovered another lovely blog by mystele...I love her folk art inspired work and although she is new to me she is a new favourite to follow...have a look

The Fruits of Hibernation

2009-02-07T16:46:00.006Z

Well, all this freezing weather has some good points. I have not ventured out the house now for 5 days and Paul (my husband) has been away for two-and-a-half of those. So, in my state of isolated hibernation I finally got round to trying my hand at baking, and made a batch of chocolate brownies...but now I know why I must not bake, at least not when I am alone...I have eaten half of them since yesterday afternoon (about six :-} ). I know. It's bad. But they were good, and they go stale so quick...I also finished two pictures, first this

Always Hopeful

This piece has the words always hopeful written in the crown...hope being like a treasure. The rainbow represents the optimism that something better lies beyond. The figure holds a 3-leaf clover, with the hope that one day it will be a four-leaf one. And this...

It reads trying to see beauty in fragility, which I guess speaks for itself. I have also paperclayed the body and head of my dolly - it's took me hours to make and now I can't go on...I've got no quilting thread to sew on her arms and legs and after all my work I don't want them to fall off, or worse be ripped off by a friend's visiting toddler. Anyway, I might rest tonight with a hot bath and TV - creative balance is important, and I've been going wild in all this snow...maybe it's an adult sugar rush...although not good for the body eating brownies may be good for the creative soul...try it and let me know, but you must eat at least six in 24 hours for it to take effect I reckon...creative soul like a temple, body like a dumpling.

Favourite blogs

2009-02-06T20:04:00.019Z

I have added a list of my absolute favourite blogs - ones I check in on regularly (daily where possible! (stalker?....)), ones i find inspiring for the art work and many individual reasons... which I will now share...
misty mawn was the first blog that I discovered via cloth, paper, scissors magazine. I love her ability to express her soul so beautifully in both art and writing. I love her skills in creating a beautiful blog, her beautiful photos and regular updates. Misty inspires me to try and express myself honestly and openly, and i only wish I was skilled enough to create a blog as beautiful as hers - I can aspire...I can also aspire to be quick enough to purchase a piece of her beautiful art...

I also discovered kelly rae roberts via the same magazine. I love her honesty with her struggle for growth and change and love how her blog tracks the progress of this, in both her art and life. I love her positivity and humour and the achievements she has made in such a short time to create a creative life for herself. Kelly Rae inspires me to believe in my own possiblities, to be generous with myself and others. I have 2 prints from Kelly Rae and her book , which I love reading and referring back to...I will no doubt have more purchases...maybe an online workshop.....

time with tascha is a relatively new blog favourite and I am still becoming familiar with Tascha and her work, but I immediately love the obvious humour in her work, and her use of colour is superb...love it. Again her blog provides loads of interesting things to look at...photos, videos and links, including to her you tube videos...this has amazingly had over 65,000 views!

Then there is Danita at danita art. She makes the loveliest pieces, with humour often found in her work also. I have purchased 3 things from her store..a cute little box, a print and an art doll...the art doll resides in my front room and is divine - you will be able to see it in situ when I upload more images of my home...I am pacing this so as not to be a decor bore :-0. Danita inspires me with her diverse creativity (jewellery, art work, boxes, art dolls) and she is so prolific in producing things...I am in awe of her dedication and hard work...I need more of this...why is this never for sale?

I love the folk art and art dolls from Jane at Gritty Art Studio, which includes just the most beautiful images of angels and women...I would happily own everything she makes (and I mean everything!), but her art moves quickly and shipping may mean I will have to restrict myself to a print or a large bank loan! I have joined Jane's online doll making workshop ...I can recommend it...really thorough, professional and (best) fun! (although stuffing those legs and arms, not so sure) I will post what I have made once it's complete... It's also worth checking out Jane's you tube postings - great sharing of techniques. Watching Jane inspires me to relax and enjoy my work, and I am in awe of the ways she has created a mulit-faceted art business...brilliant!

So they are the key people inspiring me at this present time and i wanted to honour them, as unknowingly to them their blogs and art inspire my own creative journey. Really. And for that I am grateful to each of them.

The Finished Piece

2009-02-05T15:47:00.004Z

Well, i thought I'd just upload the finished art work. It's been snowing (the worst in twenty years apparently) and I think the cold evenings have informed part of this piece. It reads across the top... " belief in the appearance of crystal light from the unexpected moments of darkness". This basically represents my hope (and on ocassions my experience) that we can emerge with new insights and greater clarity from those dark and difficult times in our lives. I put the words in a place/ shape to echo a halo, because in those moments some faith in that is needed. Her clothing has a 'snowy' feel with tinges of blue to her skin to reflect feelings of being cold and alone, with stars representing light present (seen or unseen) in those moments. I tell you though, it can be hard to keep that hope as sometimes things are difficult and problems can feel so huge that real solutions feel impossible to find.

Embarrased Emotions

2009-02-03T18:34:00.007Z

Well, my plans for uploading recent artwork fell by the wayside. Reasons (excuses?)... I spent Saturday day and night with friends, which of course is a great thing, whilst Sunday I felt compelled to create art to help me manage my heavy heart, weighed down with emotions too big to talk about here; real sadness. I am discovering how art can really help me manage and express my emotions; not necessarily to others, but myself. Through my art I am finding that I can get to see, explore and clarify my emotions and i am really trying to stay with this, rather than be concerned with whether it turns out 'good' and pleasing to others, although of course these are bonuses and are difficult desires for me to surpress. I still feel quite shy about other people seeing my work ...feeling it's not good enough, that they'll look and think 'you call that art!'. I think i feel that even more lately because of the emotions I have invested; because of the emotions I have exposed. I can't help feeling embarrassed. Will the day come where I feel comfortable, confident with my work and sharing my emotions? I tend to fluctuate between real self-doubt and glimpses of real self-belief ...Anyway, here is that work in progress....

Anonymity no more and another tour

2009-01-27T14:06:00.014Z

First, I need to say that I was sooo excited to find that 3 people had taken time to comment on my fledgling blog - you really made my day - my blog is no longer anonymous (is that the right word?) and that feels good! I hope you'll return. It's good to know I am not alone in the blogging universe. I could tell my friends about this, but I feel embarrased - why....well, my art, my feelings exposed - some friends are familiar with both and some are not and i often don't feel comfortable with either (art or feelings that is, not the friends). I hope over time that will change, but in the mean time contact from people, people who don't know me, is really... nice, good, special. So welcome if you are reading this.

As promised there is now a little tour of my dining area (sorry, it was getting dark outside and so the picture is a little dark too).

If you look on the stool/ poufe (?) to the right of the table you may be able to make a dark shape out...that is dillon dog, also known by many a name to which he is accustomed to including teed, tramp, skillon, bead eye, bear claws and licky to name just the most popular! Here he is in his full, furry glory...ahhhh (see why we call him bead eye?)

Here is a the fireplace in that room

There are a string of rose-shaped fairy lights across the fire - don't you just love the cutest light they give off? If you don't have any I would say they are a sound investment - they make me feel cosy and somehow special...weird....Anyway another much loved room is my kitchen - i love cooking and LOVE eating :-p

and I love my green dresser...do you think it would look good with some fairy lights - I keep thinking it might benefit from some in the shape of chillis....

here are my shelves (interesting huh?)

Anway, I don't want to overdo the photo thing - still not got Flickr set up - I don't know. I am planning to maybe get that sorted over the weekend with more photos of home and some recent art work. If not there, here again!

p.s please leave a comment if you feel able 'cause its like a little letter - exciting to open and see who it's from.

Birds, home and the search

2009-01-25T10:58:00.021Z

Here are a new set of pictures - an exploration of themes around birds. The symbolism of birds is great for a creative spurt isn't it - thoughts around flight, freedom, searching, soaring, singing a unique song. First came this...

Searching

then this, which reads ...like the birds be content to sing your own song...

You're Unique

and then I think my favourite, which reads in the calm of the night you sing to me possibilities that free my soul ... ( I love coming up with sayings to reflect my feelings when making a piece of art)

Freedom Calls

I have also decided to share some images of my little cocoon here as my plans for organising my Flickr site have so far fell by the wayside - I am not too sure what i've been up to but the time just flies with work, daily chores... sometimes meeting friends and family.. sadly watching TV and loafing on the sofa too. Today i thought I'd show you my....

studio! This is my little corner of productivity - my art table, which is actually an antique draftsmans table that my husband got me for a tenner...I was and am still chuffed with it. I can then whizz full circle and stitch away if i fancy. I love sewing now - I 'm not sure why cause I got F- at school for my sewing classes! Then there is....
....the chest at the back is supposedly an old apothecary cupboard, that Paul also purchased for me :). It is perfect for storing my lovely things (ribbons, buttons, tools, inks, paints and stuff). It has helped me stay organised, and so it must be good cause i have a tendancy to be pretty untidy (see there's a stray ribbon, the cushion is all floppy and mess on my desk...doh).
Then, dare i say it, another cupboard got for me by... yup... Paul! He got this off ebay but unfortunately it was not a tenner. Again it is fab for helping me keep tidy and able to find things. It is just a bit of a greedy cupboard and likes to be fed very regularly with lots of paper...like lots!

then there's my little inspiration board which includes little treats from kelly rae roberts and danita art; I've not mentioned danita art but I love her work, i could happily buy one of everything...

Anyway I don't want to overdo it - however, this week I am going to show pictures of my dining room and kitchen. Excited? Don't worry if it's merely a glimmer of anticipation...
I so want to commit more time to my blog, my art and making some connections. I have not started to learn about making the art dolls, I ve not started my Flickr or Etsy site. I so have an urge to forge a new and creative path for myself but I just don't know what or how. This time last year I was in the middle of finishing my MA dissertation - I had no real desire to do it, it was on my work appraisal and i was pursuing it only because I thought I'd had a 'sign' that a creative and/ or art-based path was not for me, so i was left thinking my currrent job must be my real vocation, even though I wasn't (and still don't) feel it. The 'sign' happened in January 2007 when i started to test out a creative life for myself and did a london trade show - in at the deep end... i knew nothing :-O. I had some potentially exciting interest, sold enough art and art cards to cover the show costs, and met a well-established business woman who was really excited about my work. A later three hour meeting and tour of her business left me thinking i had started on a new path ( maybe becoming an in-house designer for a while, maybe travelling to oversee product development of my licensed work), but then things happened in her business which meant nothing came of all the plans discussed. I read that as a sign, that i wasn't meant to be on a creative or art-based path and went back to telling myself that my day job must be my vocation after all. So, back to the MA which I had planned to postpone/ give up....now, one MA later I am unsure of how it is of use to me, or how or where I go from here. I just know I feel an urge to do something where I feel I fit, where i feel joy and purpose and that's just not happening for me. Does anyone else feel like this....seeking but not finding, or may be finding in such a slow and insiduous way it feels like inertia? I don't know...do you?

Second entry

2009-01-15T14:06:00.013Z

Well, I thought I had better check in and maintain a little momentum with my blog so that i don't let it fall by the wayside (already). I' ve signed up to Flickr and am in the process of trying to take and organise photos so that I can share them with you. I really love it when blogs link to Flickr so that you can browse through images of other peoples' creations, so i thought it was only fair to reciprocate! As well as other peoples' art work, i just love having a good look at photos of other peoples' homes. I think making a home is a really creative and important thing to do - an opportunity to express yourself and personalise your unique part of the world. I know my home is my sanctuary and I spend a lot of time in it! I suppose I'm also nosey :0), but it's good to be inquisitive ... they will be up soonish for any other inquisitive souls out there.
Here are a few more of my creations I want to share with you

Glimpses

Released

and then, although I have a special place in my heart for all the 'ladies' in this series, i have left my favourites until last... favourites for the colour combinations, theme, and poses... i love these most of all!! Which is your favourite.. any reason?

Entrust

Waiting

Oh, and exciting - i have joined an online clay and cloth doll making workshop with Jane DesRosier . My sidebar has an icon of the class logo showing you a glimpse of what is possible - how divine. Jane makes beautiful pieces of art and dolls; I would love to own one of her pieces..one day....check her out!

Beginnings

2009-01-09T19:33:00.006Z

Well, at last I am finally starting my blog. This is long awaited, anticpated and procrastinated upon [by me!]. My reason for starting this blog has undoubtly been inspired by many hours of surfing many many blogs [i think you could call it creative research...I do :-)] . The blogs of both misty mawn and kelly rae roberts have been of particular joy and interest to me; I admire them not only for their art, but also for their courage in exposing such tender parts of themselves. Their recorded journey offers me hope that i can grow both in person and in my creative endeavours, and (hopefully) that a whole new world can open up to me. Thank you both.

So, as it is today, my blog is going to be a platform, a way of sharing my creative endeavors, bits of my life and, maybe, my soul searching thoughts and emotions. I need this as I am not part of a creative community, and this creativity and soul searching tendancy is a lonely way sometimes [often great, but not all the time, eh? surely not good for a/the creative soul right?]. How I become a part of this I am not sure, but i will try 'cause it feels important...

Well the delay in starting this (since June 2007...yikes!) means I have a number of creations to share....I hope you enjoy...is there anybody out there????

Exposed

and also

Alone in Sorrow

and then, not forgetting this

Hoping

If you see my blog feel free to leave comments...it would be good to know there's someone there!